youdtearthiscanvasskinapart:

supertrout95:

youdtearthiscanvasskinapart:

9 hours of studying and I can’t remember my own name but I can remember how to kill a man using a toothbrush so there’s that

the hell kind of classes are you taking?

I’m a forensic criminologist our slogan is “can’t run fast enough to be a serial killer so I’ll just help the police catch them”

horse-ebook:

deodrant:

I spent $31 at an asian supermarket….

how many asians did you get

luxurae:

you know when you’re taking a hot shower and you’re sweating and getting cleaned at the same time.. yeah what is up with that?

rukafais:

graveyardhorse:

korrakun:

my favorite college experience is when i had a 7am class and the kid next to me literally poured a monster energy drink into his coffee said “i’m going to die” and drank the whole thing

i knew a guy who brewed his instant coffee with monster instead of water. three cups in two hours. i think he ascended to the astral realm

the survivability of the human race never ceases to amaze me

  • Guy in my class: Sir, what if we had a gay P.E. teacher? That'd be bad because he'd be looking at all the guys in shorts.
  • Teacher: You're assuming that all gay teachers are pedophiles.
  • Guy: Well...yeah.
  • Teacher: Carl I absolutely promise you that NO ONE in this school wants to have sex with you

theunendingstories:

brbjellyfishing:

babe can i show you my d*ck 

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Nothing I expected but everything I wanted